read it and weep.

so my second year of college and my first week of summer thereafter are over. gone. forgotten. FINISHED. i'm proud of the things i accomplished this past school year. however when i say year i, of course, am only referring to the spring semester. my fall semester was painful, long, and quite remarkable.. but not in a good way. i still dwell on the happenings of those few months, but i'm so much more positive and optimistic about the future now and i suppose that's what really matters..

my spring semester was awesome, carefree, and quite close to perfect.. or as close to perfect as i had been desperately hoping for. i made a new friend and needless to say, she's one of my best. i got straight a's, for the first time since probably middle school. those are just the highlights. i learned so much in my entire sophomore year, not just from academics, but from life..

• it is OKAY to stand up for something you believe.
• stay true to yourself.
• express your opinion.. your feelings.
  
• let yourself love, fiercely.
• sometimes it's easier to let yourself get stomped on.. but that is cowardly.
  
• people change and that's okay.
• WELCOME change in your life.
• stay flexible and keep an open mind.

you have enemies? good. that means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. -winston churchill.

i hope my summer is as good as my spring semester. so far it's been very without.. but i'm keeping my head up. it's difficult to go from having all the stress in the world to being completely careless. that's pretty much where i'm at right now. i don't start my second job until the end of this month.. and right now i'm just coaching two hours a week. i am just living for june. and next friday.. so i can see my boy and have a little fun..

let love in.

1. pleasing others; making them laugh.. or approve of me, like me.
2. getting good grades. keeping that GPA above a 3.4.
3. worrying about my body and my insecurities.
4. being the person i think i "should" be.
5. judgment.
6. lust.
7. skepticism.

these are the things i'm identifying with rather than God. these are the things i'm letting control me, the things i'm letting stand between me and Him... the things i'm dealing with everyday. i don't know how to NOT have these things constantly running through my head... i don't know HOW to let God completely take over for me... so i guess my #8 would be trust. i've always thought i was living a pretty good life, doing what i should, making mistakes.. yeah, but that's just part of it. but while immersing myself in all of God's glory.. i'm not great at all.. not even close. and i feel like i'm being hard on myself... maybe to an extent i am, i don't know. i don't know how to center God in this life or how to accept His love, acceptance, and approval...

you have taken of your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its creator........ colossians 3:9-10

i want to be IN CHAINS FOR CHRIST... not these other things. :(

wah wah.

i just need to get some negativity out of my head and onto some.. "paper", i guess.

i don't want to study, i don't want to do anything remotely related to school, i don't want to wake up in the morning, all i want to do is be lazy, lay in my bed and read. i cannot wait for fall break. if it's even worth calling a break, i guess one day off will do me some good. i wish i didn't complain so much about school. i really shouldn't. i am so lucky to even be able to go to college, i'm lucky i get the grades i do, and that i have some sort of future worth living ahead of me. and i know once i'm done with school i'll wish i was still taking classes instead of whatever i'll be doing then. i'm being silly and pessimistic. it's just hard going day in and day out, doing the same thing each week. but it could be worse. my life could be so much worse. so, i'm just going to stop, right now.

our hearts are gold.

a bowl of lucky charms always sounds so good at 3:30 in the afternoon. and that is precisely what i am eating this very minute. i just wanted to make some lists: a to-do list, a blessed list, and a list for this weekend.

we'll do the to-do list first.
1. finish spanish presentation.
2. do spanish homework for monday.
3. rewrite my psych paper.
4. read stories for creative writing.
5. write author letters for creative writing.
6. find an apartment.
7. do my laundry.

reasons i am blessed. (thankfully this list is much longer)
1. there is a bowl of lucky charms in front of me.
2. I GOT AN A- ON MY SOCIAL PSYCH TEST.
3. my paper for next tuesday got canceled :)
4. i've seen ryan the past two weekends and i'll see him this weekend too!
5. i have ryan.
6. i get to see my family tomorrow.
7. i didn't have to go first for our spanish presentations.
8. i got two new magazines today.. for free.
9. my mom is the most understanding woman i have ever met.
10. my dad calls me.. just to chat.
11. i'm done with class for the day! and tomorrow will be so easy.
12. it's raining and i'm inside, warm, and smiling.
13. i read my poems to my c.w. class today and DIDN'T DIE.
14. i have life, love, and happiness.

and for this weekend.
1. do nothing.

i'm such a happy girl and i love to share my happiness with others :)
happy thursday, october 8th!

isaiah 56:1
maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed. blessed is the man who does this, the man who holds it fast, who keeps the Sabbath without desecrating it, and keeps his hand from doing evil.

just sippin' on green tea.

well, hey.

being a college kid is starting to wear on me. i feel like i say, "i want to drop out of this joint." at least three times a week. i just have so many things going on and i don't do that well with stress, i guess. my classes are tough this semester. monday, wednesday, and thursday i have statistics at 9 am, followed by spanish, then i work at a preschool for 3 hours in the afternoon. tuesday and thursday i start with creative writing, spanish, and end with social psychology. i have 16 credit hour and i feel like that is enough, but not too much. but my professors really know how to lay down the homework. i shouldn't complain. this is God's plan for me, and underneath the whines i honestly love it here.

i recently changed my major for probably the 6th time. i think i'm finally set with what i want to do or i should be, there's no time to turn back now. i added speech pathology as my major and interpersonal relations as my minor. i'm so so excited about it. i've always wanted to work at a school, but i didn't want to be a teacher.. and i think this is going to be perfect for me.. especially if i end up at a school.

i've already started to look at grad schools and i'm getting so excited about life :) i'm thinking if ry and i are still making this distance work i'll try to go to school in michigan. how crazy would that be? and i'm looking at apartments for next year, my JUNIOR year. i don't feel like i'm old enough to even be in college let alone live on my own.. uggh.

anyway...
i've started going to a bible study which is held through campus crusade for Christ. the girls in my study are awesome and i'm really hoping i can develop some kind of friendship with all of them. they're so inspiring and make me so excited about the Lord. i'm so thankful God has led me to these girls. they have really impacted my walk with Him and do not even know it yet. i want to take ryan on this journey with me, i want him to feel the excitement i feel. hopefully soon i can share this with him. for us to both have a relationship with God.. it would be amazing.

i can't believe it's nearly 10:30 and i've been done with homework since 9. that is quite an accomplishment. i think i do better when i'm stressed and i even feel better now since i first said.. being a college kid is starting to wear on me. AWESOME.

galatians 5:6
the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

happy wednesday!

love, alyssa